Godin makes the distinction between selling to strangers and selling to friends, saying that whom you’re targeting makes a huge difference in how you design and deliver your message. Agreed. You do have a much lower “hurdle” in targeting your friends, because they already know you and trust you. Plus, we all like doing business with people we know. But as Godin points out, you probably only have one free pass (in which your friend gives you the benefit of the doubt) to do it right.

I don’t think many people get it right. And I think it’s even harder to sell to your women friends.

I see people messing this up on Twitter and Facebook all the time — the incessant stream of stranger-oriented business propositions and opportunities passing by my eyes each day is mind-boggling. And while I wouldn’t exactly put Twitter followers in the same category as friends (except for a handful, at least in my case), I think that there is an art to it that can work across many platforms.

To Godin’s tips I’d add the following:

• Remember that the relationship comes first. You may be excited, ambitious and ready for rocketing growth, but keep in mind that your female friendships are multi-faceted. You can’t talk business all the time. That’d be boring, and your social invitations will dwindle as a result. Keep on being a great friend, listening and asking questions about what’s happening in her life.
• Instead of an all-out sales pitch when you meet for coffee, plant subtle seeds. If — and only if — an opportunity arises in your conversation to mention something (anything) related to your business, then by all means do so. But limit yourself. If your friend doesn’t turn it around and ask a question related to your business, then leave it for another day. The seeds you’ve sown are likely to sprout when you least expect it.
• If you’re in a business that’s built on selling directly to friends (i.e. Pampered Chef, Arbonne, Avon, etc.), tread carefully. There are boatloads of people who are leery of this business model — myself included. But I also respect that millions of people make a living this way. In my opinion, the trick is to be transparent, first and foremost. If you’re putting together a “makeover party” designed to interest your friends in buying some makeup, please do us all a favor and say so. Don’t tell me you’re “just getting some girls together” and want me to join you. When I find out later that it’s a business thing, I’ll be even less receptive to buying from you than I already was. (Gee, can you tell I’ve had this very experience? But I’m not bitter. I am NOT!)
• Craft your copy with your girlfriends in mind. Say you’re putting together an email for friends and family, letting them in on an unbelievable special offer. I’d recommend a super-honest, even self-deprecatory approach in how you write it. So instead of “Act now on this limited time offer for family & friends!!!!!!”, I’d tone it WAY down and say something like, “Hi, you guys. You’d have to be living under a rock to not know that I sell XYZ Product for a living. And I want to thank you from the bottom of my heart for your love and support on this from the beginning. It’s wonderful to know that my friends care about me enough to consider buying from me! Here’s a little promotion I put together just for you guys — but I don’t want you to feel ANY pressure to buy anything. It’s just there for you to use if you were already planning to purchase, okay? Thanks for your time… I love you all and look forward to catching up soon!”

How do you feel about your friends selling to you? How do you handle this delicate balance? What tips could you add to my list? I’d love to hear from you!

Photo courtesy blogs.courant.com

First, I came across a wildly popular post from superblogger Jessica Knows, “A Call to Ambitious Women Entrepreneurs… Stop Apologizing.” In it, she points out a nasty habit so many of us have — apologizing for our successes, or for daring to promote ourselves. She urges women to join her in pledging to, well… just QUIT it — and instead celebrate our successes. Love this!

Then came social media maven Julie Roads’ take on the subject, “You have the right NOT to remain silent about how cool you are,” and her new, private Google group designed to be an interactive bragging “journal” of sorts for the women who belong to it. (I am a lucky new member who’s learning to proudly toot her own horn. Thanks, Julie!)

So, as a woman entrepreneur conditioned since birth not to EVER engage in the practice of bragging (except maybe in life-threatening emergencies or with your grandparents), I have to admit the idea made me darn uncomfortable at first. My initial “brag” to the Google group was tentative and a little self-conscious. But, judging by all the supportive, atta-girl networking that’s beginning to happen, I can already feel my brag-shackles beginning to loosen. (Uh-oh… look out!)

This process has also made me think about the art of bragging in business. (Turns out there IS a way to do it without alienating everyone you come in contact with!) Whether you’re networking to promote yourself, your products or services — in my opinion, it’s all in how (and when and where) you do it. Nuances.

1. Consider your audience. In our brag group, we’ve all promised to make it a safe, judgment-free place. Come to brag, and appreciate the brags of others without worry. It’s freeing, and it’s great! In real life, though — however much we may want to change this — it’s different. Whether it’s a colleague, client, Twitter friend or prospect, do you have a relationship with the person you’re speaking to? If not, take a little time to get to know him/her. Ask some questions, listen and respond to their answers. Let the conversation open the door for a little horn-tooting, rather than jimmying it open yourself and trumpeting right from the get-go.
2. Consider the situation. If you’re in the middle of a new business pitch or writing your new website, then by all means, brag away. Knock yourself out — it’s expected, and even necessary, as we all struggle to compete in a dog-eat-dog world. But if you run into a prospect while he’s enjoying a weekend excursion with his family (or Twittering with pals about the Super Bowl), think twice before launching into your most-bragalicious elevator speech.
3. Make it reciprocal. Appreciate that everyone has successes and talents to share. Find out what others do well, show them you’re genuinely interested and congratulate them on it. This is one of those “basics” that I think holds true across all forms of human interaction — from face-to-face yakety-yakking to the myriad online social networking vehicles now available to us.

Okay, maybe this list seems a little basic to you — and it is. But believe me, I have seen hoardes of people ignoring (or just ignorant of) these guidelines. My reaction to them? Unfollow, or end the conversation quickly and move on.

What do you think about bragging for business gain? How do you promote yourself with finesse, without turning people off?

One thing I’ve learned in my own on-ramp journey is that it doesn’t matter if your “most recent position” was right there in your own home. There is a thread running through all human relationships — whether you’re negotiating with your toddler or negotiating a hostile takeover — a thread that connects our life’s experiences, through all phases of life.

In other words, in your time as a stay-at-home-mom you may think you’ll LOSE your mind on any given day. But believe me, you are still USING it.

Here’s a post I wrote for my personal blog along these lines. Enjoy.

“What Can You Learn About Life (And Business) From Two Tiny Yoginis?”

You know those rare periods — in your household, your work, your life — where things somehow hum along smoothly, defying all your expectations? We occasionally experience this kind of harmony at our house… very occasionally. Take a look:

"Double Down Dog"

Last week, my mother-in-law sent my girls a really cute set of kid yoga cards (Barefoot Books’ Yoga Pretzels), where the poses (many of them for partners) are illustrated and give some basic information. While I tippety-tapped on the computer, the little buggers ripped right into them and got down to business.

They were like little circus performers — the big one would read the card, and issue instructions to the small one. The small one would speedily and happily comply, doing exactly as she was told. Then they’d break the pose and scurry back to find another one to try, over and over. I’ve never seen them so focused on something together — and I was shocked at their capacity to study, understand and replicate each pose. (I think plenty of adults would have trouble with this!)

No, I don’t think they’re on their way to yoga fame, or to full-time ashram living. But as I look back on that afternoon, I recognize that I could learn a few things from my tiny yoginis:

• When good leaders know how to motivate those they lead, they can accomplish great things. The big one knew that to get her little sister’s cooperation, it had to be fun. She used her best big-sister voice, coaxing and coaching her along, and gave her her full attention. And when they triumphed, they celebrated together — dancing, hugging, giggling.
• Embracing your place in the world — rather than railing against it — creates harmony. The little one knew full well she couldn’t be the leader in this game. In fact, she’s pretty used to accepting the big one’s authority on nearly everything. Their sister hierarchy will surely change as they get older and develop their own interests, but for a few moments there, everything was clicking.
• Learning can happen in the unlikeliest of places. Whether it’s kids learning about the world by stretching on a yoga mat, or mommies learning, stretching and growing in cyberspace — it pays to stay open and ready.

You never know where your newly acquired knowledge might take you.