I came across Seth Godin’s recent post, “Strangers and Friends,” and it got me thinking.
Godin makes the distinction between selling to strangers and selling to friends, saying that whom you’re targeting makes a huge difference in how you design and deliver your message. Agreed. You do have a much lower “hurdle” in targeting your friends, because they already know you and trust you. Plus, we all like doing business with people we know. But as Godin points out, you probably only have one free pass (in which your friend gives you the benefit of the doubt) to do it right.
I don’t think many people get it right. And I think it’s even harder to sell to your women friends.
I see people messing this up on Twitter and Facebook all the time — the incessant stream of stranger-oriented business propositions and opportunities passing by my eyes each day is mind-boggling. And while I wouldn’t exactly put Twitter followers in the same category as friends (except for a handful, at least in my case), I think that there is an art to it that can work across many platforms.
To Godin’s tips I’d add the following:
- Remember that the relationship comes first. You may be excited, ambitious and ready for rocketing growth, but keep in mind that your female friendships are multi-faceted. You can’t talk business all the time. That’d be boring, and your social invitations will dwindle as a result. Keep on being a great friend, listening and asking questions about what’s happening in her life.
- Instead of an all-out sales pitch when you meet for coffee, plant subtle seeds. If — and only if — an opportunity arises in your conversation to mention something (anything) related to your business, then by all means do so. But limit yourself. If your friend doesn’t turn it around and ask a question related to your business, then leave it for another day. The seeds you’ve sown are likely to sprout when you least expect it.
- If you’re in a business that’s built on selling directly to friends (i.e. Pampered Chef, Arbonne, Avon, etc.), tread carefully. There are boatloads of people who are leery of this business model — myself included. But I also respect that millions of people make a living this way. In my opinion, the trick is to be transparent, first and foremost. If you’re putting together a “makeover party” designed to interest your friends in buying some makeup, please do us all a favor and say so. Don’t tell me you’re “just getting some girls together” and want me to join you. When I find out later that it’s a business thing, I’ll be even less receptive to buying from you than I already was. (Gee, can you tell I’ve had this very experience? But I’m not bitter. I am NOT!)
- Craft your copy with your girlfriends in mind. Say you’re putting together an email for friends and family, letting them in on an unbelievable special offer. I’d recommend a super-honest, even self-deprecatory approach in how you write it. So instead of “Act now on this limited time offer for family & friends!!!!!!”, I’d tone it WAY down and say something like, “Hi, you guys. You’d have to be living under a rock to not know that I sell XYZ Product for a living. And I want to thank you from the bottom of my heart for your love and support on this from the beginning. It’s wonderful to know that my friends care about me enough to consider buying from me! Here’s a little promotion I put together just for you guys — but I don’t want you to feel ANY pressure to buy anything. It’s just there for you to use if you were already planning to purchase, okay? Thanks for your time… I love you all and look forward to catching up soon!”
How do you feel about your friends selling to you? How do you handle this delicate balance? What tips could you add to my list? I’d love to hear from you!
Lea! I was so excited when I saw your blog up at the top of my Blogger list (most recent to the top)!
GREAT post & questions. I can’t offer any solutions. All I can add is that I bristle at the thought of selling to friends. Heck, I bristle at the thought of selling to strangers. Which is really quite silly. I don’t like selling to friends. I want to keep friends . I don’t ever want there to be a question about whether I am buttering people up because I want to sell them something, or because I genuinely like them.
But that’s just me.
If you have a product to sell and you think it will really help people or make them happy, go for it! Just don’t lay it on thick. And don’t pretend to be my friend if you really just want to sell me something. Da*mit.
Heather, it’s great to hear from you! Thanks so much for taking the time to comment. I’m with you — I’m uncomfortable selling to friends, and being sold to. It’s such a tricky balance. What’s your feeling on the direct selling biz model — do you go to the Partylite and Silpada parties that your friends throw? I think it’s pretty hard to make your friends feel comfortable enough to attend one WITHOUT feeling like they have to buy something.
I just wonder if a lot of women feel the way we do — because if so, it’s weird that so many direct sales businesses are more women-dominated. I would love to sit through an Avon training session, just to hear how they suggest dealing with this!
I never go to those parties. I’m not somebody who feels comfortable in big groups of women only. I like to go places with my husband. And to be honest, the vast majority of my friends feel the same way. Co-ed is what they prefer. That said, I’d feel find going to offer my support and to make the room look full, but I tell them I’m not buying anything. I’m a SAHM with two young kids. If I break the seal and buy from them, I’ll have to buy what everybody’s selling or risk the appearance of favoritism/shunning.
I like online sales and brick and mortar stores. That way you can tell people they exist and let them peruse at will. No pressure, no guilt. I think direct sales opportunities are traditionally marketed towards women because of the childcare issue. You’re either a salesperson or you’re not. What you’re selling doesn’t matter as much as your comfort with the act of selling. There are those who seem to view it as a game, and you can see the joy in their eyes when they’ve gotten the better of a mark. There are those who are there to answer questions and represent a company and/or a product. I could possibly do the latter.
I dare you to sit through an Avon training session! By the way, I love Avon. Growing up, my Mom had a bathroom full of it. And a ton of those tiny white lipstick samples.
Hello Lea,
I found your article very interesting. It has been surprising to me that many of my friends have not even visited my blog yet. I have loyal readers from around the world but they are predominantly not my close circle of friends. I think maybe they think they know the stories already.
This is not to say that I don’t have friends that do support and critique my work, helping me to improve with each post, but in general I have had to take a huge step back and not be disappointed.
It has been a real journey to keep my mouth shut about my writing and not bring it up unless they ask and even than I have to tread delicately.
Thanks for your helpful hints.
Best, Jillian
Hi Jillian, thanks for stopping in! I wasn’t even thinking in terms of blogging when I wrote this, but you’re absolutely right — it fits no matter what you’re “selling.” Oh, and I can completely relate to your comment about close friends. I think maybe I pushed too hard in the beginning of my own blogging journey, sending out emails asking them to read a certain post, etc. (Everyone humored me for awhile, but then it dawned on me that they were humoring me!) Now that some time has passed, however, I’ve mellowed. I know now that there are other ways to promote my blogs, and I also realize that not every one of my friends/family is comfortable (or even interested) in the social media realm. (I’m thinking of the Forrester “ladder” of social media engagement, from Groundswell… have you read it?)
What other things are you doing to promote your blog, Jillian? Have you registered with any blog directories or submission sites? I’m curious to know how you’re doing with it.
I love your tips, especially the ones about treading gently and toning down the approach. I usually avoid the sales parties because I feel bad not buying stuff. I only go if I have something in mind I know I want to buy from that company. Which is funny because I just joined a direct sales business. I am going to focus more on one-on-one sales and meeting individual wants/needs than on generic parties because I don’t want people to feel uncomfortable.